I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
