mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I love you. Go after that dick
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
