She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
