one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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