can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
