Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
