I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
