I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
