Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
we're so committed to being not committed
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
