My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
