it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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