this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
