I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
