when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
