im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
