I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
