If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
