I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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