You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
