new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
