Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
