If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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