He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
