I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
