i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
