ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
