Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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