Got a toothbrush?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
