Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
