Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
