mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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