gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
