just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
