And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
