i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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