You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
