You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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