Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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