Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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