i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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