I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
