what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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