im about as happy as oj after his trial
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
