I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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