Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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