Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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