i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
