it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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