You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
