if you like me you must not know who I am
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
