the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
